What do you do when you're uncomfortable?
April 27, 2013Seriously though, what do you do?
Why have I forgotten what I am supposed to do? I feel like everything I do is an attempt to escape, instead of letting myself experience my own emotions. The better things get, the scarier everything falling apart is- and I'm tired of feeling afraid.
I wear myself out asking "What if's."
What if this isn't what I want?
What if this choice is the wrong one?
What if I feel different tomorrow?
What if I get Alzheimer's when I'm 55?
What if my parents die?
What if I'm incapable of trusting someone completely?
What if this person doesn't think I'm awesome?
What if I could be doing something better with my time?
What if I end up getting divorced when I'm older?
What if I never get married?
What if my cat dies?
What if I can't handle it?
What if I get sick and puke in someones office?
What if I make food and it sucks?
What if I gain 100 pounds?
What if I look dumb?
What if I can't dance?
What if I'm gay?
What if I never make more money than this?
What will happen?
I've spent most of my life not doing things because every "What if" has a negative conclusion in my imagination. The process of proving myself wrong is tedious. The whole idea is progress not perfection- but since the beginning I have thought perfection was the only option. Everyone is striving for this ideal, and if you aren't perfect- you're failing.
What if I can't change that outlook?
3 comments
The what ifs keep me stuck at home, but even when I'm hiding life keeps happening anyway. It's difficult to embrace the challenges, but if you don't take a chance sometimes you miss out on the good what ifs.
ReplyDeleteIndeed. I think I should start asking myself "What if something incredible happens?"
DeleteI wish I had started reading your stuff earlier. It's like you're in my head. I like Katie's advice. It's so hard to change that negative thought pattern but once you start and keep with it being mean and negative starts to sound stupid. I hope you can treat yourself with kindness and see how fuckingwonderful you are.
ReplyDelete